The Last Surrender
by CleverWitch1979
Summary: It's Ron and Hermione's anniversary and Ginny has been recruited to collect a drunk and lonely Harry from the local pub. But when he starts making the moves on her she finds herself tempted to take advantage of a night he most likely won't remember...
1. Chapter 1

Title: **The Last Surrender**

_Chapter 1_

Author: **CleverWitch**

E-mail: 

Rating: **R (for language and sexual situations)**

Disclaimer: _Harry Potter and co belong to J.K. and all_

_that jazz. _

Author's Notes: I owe every last bit of inspiration for this fic to an author named Serendipity and her utterly, unspeakably amazing fic "That Muted Sort of Longing". The way she created Ginny in that story inspired me to write this and to become in all out Harry/Ginny shipper!!!!! :)

Now, onto the show!

Harry Potter was rip-roaring drunk. But some backtracking is necessary to explain exactly why. Or why Ginny Weasley stood in the shadowy entrance of the bar watching him sadly and working up the courage to go collect him.

It was four years after his graduation from Hogwarts, and two years after his training as an Auror had finished. And in that two years the last of Voldemorts followers had finally been captured. The Dark Lord with his Dark Army were utterly vanquished. Voldemort himself had fallen

while Harry was still in school and the battle between the two wizards would be the stuff of legends. Harry had only thought himself famous before. With the fall of Voldemort his reputation had surpassed what his imagination had horrifically speculated in the past. To add to this, he trained as an Auror, got in magnificent shape and took down the last of Voldemorts Death Eaters nearly single-handedly. His fame made it impossible for him to meet anyone to whom he was a stranger. Everyone knew him for his great deeds and magic.

Now, his work was done. Things had been peaceful for over a year and a half. He had enjoyed a hard earned rest at first and taken up a slew of hobbies--Quidditch first and foremost. But once the 'holiday' had turned into 'everyday' and Harry had found it necessary to build what he considered an 'average, everyday life' he had run amok. While in the whirl of battle with death threatening at every corner he hadn't any time to notice what little of a social life he had. And after his duties to the Order had ceased he had found himself sadly out of the loop. Old school friends were married, some with children. Many were faraway though they offered very kind correspondence via Owl. That didn't fill his Saturday nights though. He certainly wasn't short on company--how could the famous Harry Potter ever be lonely? Women threw themselves at his feet. And at first it had been lovely and exciting. But now...it can be said he found it rather lacking. Everyone wanted the same thing. A piece of the fame.

Tonight was Ron and Hermione's anniversary. And it was Hermione who had phoned Ginny, now that Ginny had moved to London and worked there as a Healer. Ron and Hermione,

together for many years now, had made it a habit to occupy Harry's weekends. They had struggled to 'set him up' with such repeatedly disastrous results that even THEY had given up. Now they simply kept him company to prevent him from slipping into the funk they found him prone to nowadays. But their Anniversary was the one night they spent only with each other--bad luck that it had fallen on a weekend.

It was Hermione that had contacted Ginny and asked her this favor. She knew exactly where Harry would go and exactly what Harry would do. It was sad really, and Ginny saw the sadness of it immediately. Harry went to the local bar, got himself utterly smashed and usually ended up going home with someone he really shouldn't.

Ginny had been reluctant to get involved. She had never really tamped her feelings for him completely out. They surfaced again and again and the only relief she had found (besides dating someone else) had been distance. But the job in London had been too great to pass up. Now, standing in the doorway of the smoky, dirty bar, its music blaring, watching Harry, for the first time she was glad she had decided to come home. Glad she could be here for him now, when he needed someone to be.

Ginny had hammered out a friendship with Harry through their school years but it had been a quiet one. She was mostly shy and see-sawed between friendship and lust for him in a what she found a truly frightening way. But she had been there, in the background, through everything, even that final, awful battle. She knew what it had done to him. She knew what he had become and she knew what had stayed the same.

She smiled, watching him dance wildly on the floor.

He might be a great wizard. But he was no great shakes as a dancer.

The song ended and he stumbled back over to the bar and another drink came so fast Ginny realized he was getting them for free--because of who he was. Her smile faded. He was obscenely drunk.

She gathered herself together and started over. Best to get him back to her place and let him sleep it off on her couch.

She walked up behind him as he leaned over-casually against the bar beside a group of very 'free' looking women--all eyeing him greedily.

"Well hello there ladies..." he slurred and Ginny shook her head.

He tossed his hair back in a gesture she could tell was simply habit. The effect it had however, was startling, because it revealed his scar.

The girls eyes widened, "Wait, you're Harry Potter! I don't believe it! Angie, it's Harry Potter! Here!"

She saw him stiffen, the sound of his name unpleasant to him, before he seemed to shake it off. She could almost feel him force the smile back, "Looks like it's your lucky night..." he said and Ginny, the only sober one present, heard such bitterness in his voice that her stomach clenched.

Oh, he was bitter. So very very bitter and angry. Though, as she remembered it, Harry was extremely good at being angry.

The girls didn't seem to notice. They were leaning closer to him as though he were a very expensive new toy.

"It's a special night ladies!" he said recklessly, swinging his drink around and spilling it, "One of you gets to be lucky enough, to take the famous Harry Potter home--who will it be?"

Ginny's mouth fell open and her temper flared up so suddenly she spoke before she thought, "HARRY POTTER!" she admonished in such an accurate imitation of her mother she would be horrified for years by the recollection.

Harry turned around in surprise and upon seeing her his entire demeanor shifted. A look of absolute delight came over his face and he dropped his drink with a crash to the floor. Ginny quickly repaired it with her wand as he barreled her over in a crushing hug.

"Ginny!"

He stepped back, taking her by the shoulders and she could see in his eyes that he couldn't see her properly. He was smiling very sincerely though, "Ginny Weasley, what are you doing here? You look...absolutely beautiful! Are you visiting London--is that it? Bad timing if it's Ron you came to see, it's his and Hermione's anniversary tonight--say, is that why you came out? No place else to be? Same with me."

Ginny watched his babble in astonishment. She didn't think he'd spoken to her this much in all the time she'd known him. She took in the changes to his appearance. He had filled out a great deal thanks to Auror training--though his boyish quality still lingered about his mouth and in the roguish way his hair fell over his ears. He still wore glasses but very smart ones and he was dressed very handsomely.

"I've moved back actually." she informed him and he looked, if possible, more delighted.

"Really? Got a job here? You're a Healer right? Yeah, I thought so. Must be at the new Hospital--good for you, good for you! That's smashing that is. You and I should get together! Still play Quidditch? If you fancy some practice I play every Saturday--just an informal sort of thing with a group who like it too. We could use a good Chaser though. What do you say?"

She had managed to lead him nearly out of the bar, "Sounds lovely Harry. I do miss flying."

She was sure he wouldn't remember anything he said the next day, "Say, Harry, how does a coffee sound? Shake off some of that alcohol and catch up on old times?"

He seemed to realize they were about to leave and his groggy eyes narrowed suspiciously, "Why are you trying to get me to leave?"

Suddenly his expression changed, a brief pain tensing his features before he turned cold, "Hermione put you up to this didn't she? Didn't she!"

When Ginny shook her head Harry's voice suddenly tripled in volume, "DON'T LIE TO ME!"

Ginny physically recoiled and Harry's anger snuffed out instantly as he read the fear in her eyes. He looked sad for a heartbeat--so quickly she was never sure she saw it there.

Then he seemed to shake it off and tried to smile,"Can't leave yet Gin." he turned to walk back but she grabbed him and steered him round, "Oh yes we can Harry."

His drunkenness was back, the brief, angry clarity gone, "But this is a very special night you see."He informed her even as she managed to lead him out the doors and into the parking lot, "It's have-a-go with famous Harry Potter night!" his voice had turned bitter again--she wasn't sure if he even knew where he was. She stopped and let him stumble about, gesturing angrily in the moonlight, "He's drunk and lonely and fancies a shag! Come on ladies, get a piece of the action! S'all I'm good for now anyways. One night's fuck and a bit of the fame!"

Ginny nearly slapped him, "Harry! Don't you DARE talk about yourself that way!"

He seemed to see her again and remember she was there. She had him by the shoulders and felt them slump as his expression turned very sad, "Ginny...are you taking me home tonight?"

There was the most torturous vulnerability in his voice and it ate away at her cruelly as he stepped closer and his voice pitched low, "Ginny...you've changed your hair...and you always always wear those same earrings...ever since third year. You were always there...standing off to the side even in the end, when I fought him alone, you were there. You've always been there. You thought I didn't notice. But I did..."

He had leaned down close to her face, his words freezing her where she stood. It was only his breath, heavy with alcohol that broke the moment. She blinked very hard to look away from his eyes. They were locked onto her own with fierce wanting and something desperate that made her want to give it to him....but she shook it off and propelled him towards the street, "Come on Harry, I'm taking you home."

He let her lead him and she headed to her place, it was closest. She didn't dare suggest they apparate. He was quiet for a few moments, then said softly, "Hermione did send you, didn't she?"

Ginny smiled, "No. She told me where you would be and what you would be doing and left it up to my conscience. Much more effective than actually asking me don't you think?"

Harry let out a bark of laughter, "Sounds about right."

He settled in shoulder to shoulder with her. She wondered if he realized he was walking arm pressed to arm--or if he needed the contact to walk properly...

"They worry about me--Ron and Hermione do. I know it. Sorry they sucked you in too. They have a real 'save Harry' crusade going..."

Ginny smiled, "You only ever needed saving from yourself Harry."

He saw the funny side of that and laughed, "S'pose I did. Hasn't been easy lately, I mean it has been easy but that's what's been hard..." he laughed, "Never mind, that's never going to come out right."

He frowned in concentration, then spoke quietly, "I've never been very good at just being normal I guess...and now it's harder than ever."

Ginny felt a swell of pity for him. She thought back over his life and realized he had never known anything normal--not even briefly. He had nothing to ground him.

She smiled instead and pointed out,"Getting drunk at the local pub seems pretty normal to me."

He nodded in agreement but his mood had shifted. She took his arm, "Harry, you're an ordinary person who has accomplished extraordinary things. But they are just things, in the end. You're still just a regular person underneath all that."

He seemed to consider this and regarded her thoughtfully.

"Doesn't feel that way though." he said after a moment, "Wish I could get rid of this bloody scar! I've tried everything! EVERYTHING! Damned thing won't budge!"

He was gesturing drunkenly again and Ginny realized he probably wouldn't remember a word either of them had said the next day. She smiled to herself and shook her head. Drunk Harry Potter walking home with her. Not the reunion she had expected with him in London. She had, truth be told, been avoiding seeing him again. She didn't trust her reaction. When the promotion had been offered to her she had been horrified that her first thought had been Harry. She hadn't seen him in years. Had owled him infrequently and dated other, handsome, winsome, entirely adequate wizards...and yet...hadn't she felt her heart leap to her throat every time Hedwig had shown up? No matter what she told herself, it was always there, and it terrified her. Because Harry could never really return those feelings. He had never looked at her that way. There was no history of wanting for him.

She watched him stumble as he babbled on about the various hilarious and dangerous ways he had tried to rid himself of 'the scar'. What was it about him? She didn't think she could ever put it down in words.

They turned up her street and he seemed to take notice of his surroundings,

"Pretty little patch this--isn't it? Look at the trees!"

She nodded in agreement, it was what she liked best about it, "Very pretty."

They turned up her driveway and it was as they got to the door that he realized it was her flat.

"You're taking me to your place?" he said a bit blankly.

She looked at him as though he were a bit daft, though it was feigned and a little humourous, "Yes, for coffee and a chat, remember?" she spoke it slowly as though he were a child.

He frowned, then gave her a wicked smile, "Ginny Weasley, are you trying to take me home for the night?"

She rolled her eyes.

"I know I'm hard to resist, all drunk and dashing!" his slurring of the word dashing made her laugh.

He stumbled into the entrance-way and took an appreciative look around, "S'lovely. You did a beautiful job with it." he smiled.

She walked into the open kitchen to start coffee and watched him shrug off his coat and toss it on a hook as though he'd been to her place a thousand times before. She felt an odd lump in her throat. This was a mistake. Letting Harry into her flat. Letting him bumble around her things

and sit on her couch. He was creating a hundred memories she would never be able to banish. A hundred feelings of rightness in her corners and cushions that no amount of handsome, winsome, entirely adequate wizards would ever match. Dammit all!

Harry picked up her photos, chuckling and reminiscing. He fished through her books and admired her taste and fiddled with her nick-nacks and finally made his way into the kitchen when she wasn't looking. He had crept up behind her before she realized and slipped very warm arms about her until he was pressed against her back, his breath warm at her neck as he murmured, "Ginny, take pity on a lonely bloke, won't you?"

She shrugged out of his hold, her heart beating wildly--but she ignored it! She tried instead to look humorous as she scolded, "Harry! Stop trying to get in my pants just because you're drunk!"

He gave her a very cheeky grin and laughed, "Have a heart Gin!" he put on his best pout, "Lonely and did I mention available? Come on...didn't you fancy me a hundred years ago at Hogwarts? I seem to remember you did..." his face broke into a broad smile as he remembered, "Was it really you that sent me that Valentine?"

She pulled a face, "Yes, yes it was actually."

He laughed heartily as she passed him a coffee and lead him to the couch in the living room. He took a long drink and turned very serious all of a sudden, "Can I ask you something?"

She nodded.

"When you did fancy me--was it because you liked me or because of who I was?"

She would never forget the look in his eyes at that moment.

"Honestly, the first time, it was because of who you were. I didn't know you at all. I just thought you were cute. I thought it was so cool that you were friends with Ron. I remember thinking I was the luckiest girl in the entire world."

Harry's sad face at her words smiled at the end of it, but, "Ah." he said.

She felt so terrible over the look in his eyes, that defeated sadness spilling over, the way she was sure she caught his soul sinking into itself, that she added something she had never planned to tell him. Something she was sure he wouldn't remember since he was drunk.

"That was just the first time though. The second time was different."

He looked up in surprise, "The second time?"

She smiled sheepishly, "It was a bit later in school."

"You fancied me again? I never knew!"

"I didn't want you to know! It was so embarrassing!"

"Why was it embarrassing?"

She chuckled at his thick-headed curiosity. Leaning closer she said, "The point is, the second time was just _you_."

He stopped short at that and simply stared at her. He looked dumbstruck. He was quiet for so long she grew uncomfortable.

"Drink your coffee." she said softly, "You'll feel better."

He drank most of it, staring into the cup. She could practically see the gears in his head turning.

"What's 'just me' Ginny?" he finally asked. And she knew he really wanted an answer.

"Lots of little things." she said gently, "The same as with anyone. It's the details. How you love lemon sherbert but absolutely detest orange! How you hate tucking your shirt in. How you carry one of Hedwig's feathers every time you play Quidditch for luck. That obsession you had for a while with collecting a bristle from every kind of broom there ever was!"

He was watching her with great amusement.

"How you always take exactly twenty-two minutes in the shower--do you plan that?"

"You timed that?"

"I think the most 'just you' type thing I can think of--that's the least like your 'famous Harry Potter' alter-ego is how absolutely bad tempered you get when you misplace something. Even if you've only misplaced it for a moment you get viciously angry and it takes you nearly an hour to calm down."

He chuckled, "Worst is my glasses. Put them down, can't find them and can't see to find them either!"

He raised his eyebrows, "How did you know about Hedwig's feather for luck?"

"Constant vigilance!" she joked, "What's a girl who fancies a bloke to do? I paid attention, that's all."

They sat smiling for a moment.

"Thanks." he finally said.

He drank the last of his coffee and stared into the empty cup for a long while. Ginny watched him, feeling as though the cat were out of the bag. Praying he wouldn't remember anything she'd said.

Finally he grew pale and looked a little ill, "Ohhh," he moaned, dropping the cup and leaning forward, "I am _not_ feeling well..."

Ginny scooted closer and summoned up some wandless magic she'd learned in her training to be a Healer.

"Here..." she said and tilted his chin up so she could cradle his face with her hands. She sent the soothing magic into his skin, steadying the balance in his ears so that his nausea faded. She watched him smile in relief and shut his eyes. Then his expression changed and he stilled, his eyes still closed.

She froze, her hands still against his cheeks. The look on his face was one of such pleasure and such longing she found she couldn't move. Instead, her mutinous hands slid into his hair and she watched him tense, looking utterly blissful. She realized then, as she never had before, how little physical contact Harry ever had with anyone.

No parents with comforting touches. No family with affectionate play fighting. No serious girlfriends to rub his head when he was drunk and ill.

"Oh Harry..." she muttered without realizing. She kept running her fingers slowly through his hair and he held absolutely still. She felt the goose bumps at his neck though and couldn't help but be surprised. Had she really brought about that reaction? She shook it off. No. He was drunk and feeling ill and vulnerable. That was all. It wasn't her.

She pulled off his glasses and laid them aside and he kept his eyes shut, waiting patiently for her touch to resume. And when it did he caught her hands and pulled her closer, so that she lost her balance and said, "Harry..." In feeble warning.

"Ginny," he murmured, his eyes slowly opening and locking onto her own in a dizzying intensity, He dropped her hands and reached his own to her face, "You really see me...I think you're the only one who does."

Ginny felt the familiar battle at that moment. Friendship....lust. They fought for control. She looked into his eyes, read how drunk he still was and found herself making excuses.

_He'll never remember this. He won't ever know it happened..._

His hands slid into her hair and her stomach dropped. Her blood was roaring in her ears and her eyes shut tight. He saw how tempted she was, she knew he did without looking, and he leaned in close, his mouth a breath away. She felt his lips just brushing hers, like a gentle question.

She shouldn't. She knew she shouldn't. He was drunk, and lonely and vulnerable and she'd be taking advantage. She'd be fulfilling wishes she knew she shouldn't have had. But she'd had them all the same.

And now, at this moment, lust sprang up along her spine and arched into her. And she knew he felt it too.

"This is a mistake," she mumbled and felt him smile, he was that close.

"Oh no it isn't," he replied and there was humor in his voice and something else. Something she dared not name.

He pulled her into a kiss then and she was lost. Her hands wound about his neck and into his hair again of their own accord and pulled him tight and she felt his arms around her back urging her closer so that she wrapped her legs around his hips and let him pull her into his lap. He made an indecipherable sound--a very satisfying one and she felt his tongue slide in to meet hers. The blood was pounding in her ears now. Her every fantasy burned away by the reality. She tasted the coffee and the alcohol and felt the sensation of it, she'd been kissed before but never like this. Because it was Harry. Even drunk he was tender and took his time about it.

And her every second thought, her last, desperate bit of control was gone. She was kissing the daylights out of him, eating up the sensations as though she were mad. She kissed him the way she'd always wanted to, barely letting him up for air and feeling the electricity build in her stomach until she was nearly shaking.

Harry's hands were at her shirt and she reached for his. He pulled away a moment, looking dazed and excited. He gave a kind of half-gasp half-laugh of appreciation, "You can_ kiss_!"

She smiled and tugged his shirt over his head, then slipped her arms around him to pull him close again. He laughed then, "Wait, let me get yours..."

He tugged her shirt off and reached for her bra, unclasping it and letting her shrug it off and toss it aside. Then she let him pull her close so they pressed together. They both froze and Harry pulled his head back just enough to look into her eyes in awe. His hands traced gently up her back. He felt it too. The lump returned to her throat. Just then, for whatever reason--she pushed the reasons aside--he felt it too.

His head dipped to her shoulder and kissed her neck as though he were savoring, as though it were too lovely to do anything else--and it was. He let out a low groan, "You feel..."

He never finished and he didn't need to. Ginny's mouth found his again and reminded them both how much better it was than talking.

They kept on, learning what pleased the other. Ginny found Harry delightfully easy to please. She caught his tongue in her mouth and sucked gently on it and felt him stiffen and let out a low, growly sound that had her smiling.

He was tilting her back onto the couch so he could press between her legs and then fiddle with the buckle of her jeans. He rolled to the side as she wrenched at his too and pretty soon they were wriggling out of their pants, kicking them away and tangling their bare legs together as they kissed and touched and pressed. It was bliss.

Ginny felt him tentatively slide his fingers under her knickers, tugging them down and felt a thrill run through her. He slipped them off and she kicked them away. She felt his hand run up her thigh, around her bum and then under... And she let him. She lay back and let him do whatever he wanted, enjoying every second of it. His fingers made a soft exploration, testing and teasing before settling into a heady rhythm that had her thoughts leaving her. The room was spinning and shrinking in. She couldn't remember how Harry had ended up in her flat and she didn't care. All she cared about was how it felt. Harry touching her. She ran her hands up under his boxers and returned the favor, hearing his breath catch and watching his face pinch with lust so that delight welled up and bubbled over inside her.

"Don't think I've ever been this turned on," he breathed and she felt a very dark satisfaction. She tugged off his boxers then and stroked him some more, hearing him make some decidedly incredible moans before tugging him over on top of her. He was in a daze, she could tell, as though he were hypnotized. He rolled over and she wrapped her legs around him, aching and needing him like no one else. But had there ever been anyone else but Harry? He pressed into her then, and she was so ready. He slid in easily and...stopped.

Her eyes opened slowly. His own were shut tight, his face screwed up in concentration.

"Harry?"

He opened his eyes and his face turned humorous, "I'm a drunk mess Gin...and...and I want this to last...just give me a minute will you?"

She smiled wickedly and used her legs to pull him closer, squeezing around him so that he made a choked sound, "Harry Potter," she admonished, drawing him very slowly in and out as his eyes

glazed over, "Do you really think I care how long this lasts? Just enjoy it..."

She saw him trying to resist but he couldn't. She pulled him hard so that he thrust in as far as he could and with an appreciative moan he gave in, leaning into her shoulder, pushing up her legs and losing himself to the moment.

But even lost in the moment it was her name he whispered and moaned. Her name she heard in her ear and it turned the tender, fearful feelings she'd hidden for years into a fierce, happy fire that burned her to her fingertips. The see-saw of friendship and lust tipped completely to the left and she never looked back. The feel of him, the pleasure of his thrusting. She felt it building but knew he really wasn't going to last much longer. It didn't matter. It was probably better that way. If she came apart in his arms she might never get back together again. She felt him go over the edge and it was enough. It was everything. _Forget about tomorrow_, she thought, _forget about everything, there's only this._

That hoarse sound of surrender he had made was hers to keep, and savor and remember forever. He collapsed on her, his face in her shoulder, breathing heavy.

He was a long moment lingering there as she ran her hands over his bare back, tracing absent patterns. She felt

Finally he raised his head looking satisfied and a bit sheepish, "That was..." he was still struggling for breath, "Brilliant," he smiled wryly, "Probably not for you though..."

She smiled and went to speak when his hand snaked back between her legs and he began to slowly kiss his way down her body. She went still with shock. He wasn't...he wouldn't... But indeed he kissed down between her legs and began lapping her with his tongue and her body arched up without her. Her pleasure returned to pick up somewhere near where it had left off and she found her hands curled into fists as she slid closer. She never could recall the sounds she made later--though she could tell by the satisfied look on Harry's face afterward that he had enjoyed them.

She let him take her all the way, until she came apart and knew with certainty that she would never get herself back together that way she had been. Because for that one, blinding, mindless moment she had let herself love him--it had happened without her. And though she extinguished it as the pleasure ebbed away, it had changed her forever.

She felt him climb back up looking very pleased with himself, "Better?" he teased and she smiled, feeling slow and satisfied.

She gathered him up in her arms and tucked his head under her chin without thinking. He settled in very comfortably though, she knew he was sleepy. She ran her fingers through his hair and he made contented sounds that vibrated through her ribs making her smile and giggle. Harry, naked and spent in her arms. Harry, vulnerable and beautiful and all hers, just for tonight.

She planned to let him fall asleep and leave him on the couch for the rest of the night. She knew that was what she should do, to protect herself. He wouldn't remember. He would wake up late tomorrow with a terrible hangover and she would never tell him.

But he didn't fall asleep. She expected him too, but instead he stroked her back in funny little patterns. Instead the stroking turned to hours of caressing and exploring as they found what the other liked. As they quietly appreciated each other. And when her touches stirred him again she reached for him--knowing it was reckless and fatal. They kissed again and though he was still drunk, he was not nearly so drunk as before. But...

He pulled her into his lap and sat up and took one of her breasts in his mouth as he thrust up into her and she lost herself all over again. This was it. This was the ultimate. His voice murmuring her name incoherently. Knowing they were both released somehow, from the awkward confines reality tied them to. They were free to enjoy each other--knowing it would be forgotten...

This time was rougher and more urgent than the first. They pushed at each other and hurried, both wanting the end to come sharp and fierce. And it did. And the wave of love that came this time made Ginny quake with fear.

She held Harry against her heart until her own slowed down. She lay him back on the couch as he began to drift off and managed to get him back into his boxers and t-shirt. Then she gathered up the rest of his clothes and folded them up, pulled a blanket over him and knelt down by his head.

She kissed him gently as he slept, "G'night Harry," she heard her voice whisper sadly.

Slowly, she gathered up her own discarded clothes and headed for her bedroom. She turned back and took one last, long look at him, sleeping on her couch. She felt the terrible burning in her heart and let it ebb, pulling it gently back into itself and telling herself to let it go. It had been a stolen ecstasy, it was not hers to hold.

Tomorrow she would pretend nothing had happened. She only prayed he wouldn't remember.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: The Last Surrender

_Chapter 2_

Author: CleverWitch

E-mail: 

Rating: R (for language and sexual situations)

Disclaimer: _Harry Potter and co belong to J.K. and all_

_that jazz._

* * *

Ginny woke up sharply the next morning, her pajamas clinging to her sweaty body. She looked around feeling disoriented and wondering what she could have been dreaming of that would leave her feeling so hot and uncomfortable. And then she remembered...

She felt herself flush and hurried to her door to look in her living room–disbelieving it was real. But there was Harry, just where she'd left him. She stood there a long time, letting sleep ebb away and her feelings return. She watched the steady rise and fall of his chest as he slept and thought, with a sharp clench, that she would never see that again.

She grabbed her housecoat and headed for the bathroom, desperate for the monotony of routine to wash away her heartache. But after she had brushed her teeth and flushed the toilet, she found she couldn't bring herself to have a shower. She could still feel Harry on her skin, in her hair and she didn't want to wash that away yet...

Instead she made her way to the kitchen to make some coffee and toast. Harry was snoring blissfully and she couldn't suppress a laugh. _Who knew he had it in him?_ He sounded like a freight train! He was lying on his stomach now, one arm hanging off the edge, his hand on the floor. His hair was all over the place and he looked absolutely adorable. Looking at him now, she saw only the endearing, rumpled, vulnerable man she had seen in his eyes so drunkenly the night before. Her resolve returned. She let him sleep.

It was the weekend and she had no place to be. She pulled up the book she'd been reading and sat at her kitchen table with her breakfast. And if she stared at the same page the entire time she never acknowledged it to herself. She was determined to face Harry ready when he woke up. The night was over. She put her heartache aside and pushed the memory of the night away. She couldn't believe she had actually done it...

It was several hours later that Harry awoke. And he did not wake up well. She heard a loud thump and turned to find him standing up, looking dizzy but stiff with terror. He didn't know where he was. She realized all the years of fighting and spying, the danger involved in it, had taken their toll.

"G'morning Harry," she said warmly, hoping her voice would stop his panic. He turned around so quickly, even hungover and drowsy, that she took a step back. His reflexes were uncanny.

"Ginny?" he said with confusion–but the fear was gone. She realized he hadn't found his glasses and made her way over to give them to him.

"Thanks," he said as he slipped them on and looked around.

"Am I at your place?" he asked.

She nodded and he finally relaxed, sitting down on the couch with effort. He still looked confused though.

"You were at the pub last night?"

She smiled. He didn't remember anything. Thank God.

"I was."

He looked about the flat.

"You live in London now?"

She chuckled, "Yes, I do."

He groaned, "I must look like an idiot. I can't remember a thing."

"Come out and have a coffee." she said comfortably, pouring him a mug as she said it.

He smiled gratefully and she realized how glad he was to wake up to someone he knew. Her heart grabbed, how many times had he woken to a stranger?

He followed her to the kitchen, stumbling and seemingly unaware that he was still in just his boxers. He took the coffee and leaned against the counter as he took a drink.

"Mmm....thanks," he looked around the kitchen and through the rest of the flat, "Your place is really nice. When did you move back?"

"Just a little while ago." she said guiltily, not wanting him to know she had avoided seeing him, "I was offered a job I couldn't pass up at the Infirmary downtown."

He smiled, "Excellent."

She recalled how differently this conversation had gone the previous night and hid her smile by taking another drink of her own coffee.

He was watching her though, trying to piece it together, "So....what were you doing at the pub?"

She smiled, "Certain persons let me know you might be there."

He shook his head, "Ah....You were sent to collect me then?"

"It was left entirely up to me what action I took."

He chuckled, "Hope I didn't say anything too terrible," he frowned then and her stomach clenched. It looked as though he were remembering something, "I seem to recall talking with you a bit...on the way home. Did I mention my weekend Quidditch games?"

"You did," she smiled in relief, "You invited me along as I recall."

"Did I?" he said humorously, "And rightly so. We could use a decent Chaser."

He seemed to really look at her then, his expression warm as he said, "You look wonderful Gin. Really good."

She blushed despite herself, and tried to cover it up by joking, "Not so bad yourself there Harry. Nice nickers."

He looked down and laughed, "And where are my pants might I ask? Did you have your evil way with me last night?"

She hoped her start didn't show and chuckled uncomfortably.

"Didn't try to make a move on you did I?" Harry half-joked. His eyes searched her face.

But she was back in control now, "Oh, you tried."

His head hung but he was laughing with her, "I'm a terrible terrible man." he looked up at her sincerely, "I'm sorry you had to see me like that."

She shook her head, "You were actually a lot of fun."

"Besides the randy bugger part."

"Oh, that was fun too. A girl can be flattered by a little randy mauling."

His eyes turned horrified, "I didn't..."

She winked at him and he laughed at her joke, "Did I babble on like an idiot?" He asked, "I've been told I do."

"Don't think I've ever heard so much conversation from you actually."

"Hope I didn't bore you to tears."

"No, you were very interesting."

He was shaking his head again, then seemed to regret it. His eyes fluttered shut in pain, "Oh, my head. I must have been absolutely sloshed..."

Her Healer instincts came like a second skin. She could sense the nausea and dizziness and walked over without a second thought.

"Here. Harry..." she lifted her hands to his face and dispelled the nausea with her touch. He shut his eyes at the relief of it and made an appreciative sound.

"Didn't know Healers could cure hangovers. Thanks..." he opened his eyes and smiled at her but something about the proximity...her hands at his face...she watched his eyes change...horrified recognition flooded him as she wrenched her hands away, but it was too late.

"Ginny...."

She took a step back in fear. He couldn't....he didn't...But he did. She watched it all come back to him.

He was leaning heavily on the counter now, as memory after memory washed over him.

"I....we...." he trailed off, his eyes wide and staring at the floor, replaying various scenes to him.

He looked back at her suddenly, "You were sober. You didn't have a drink did you?...you didn't...Ginny...."

His eyes had locked wildly onto her own. Her Healer magic had done more than just steady his hangover, it had cleared his mind and now let him recall everything with startling accuracy.

"Bloody hell..." he whispered. And it felt as though a very beautiful light had just burst into the darkness of his life. He was over to her in two quick strides, his arms on either side of her, "Ginny, do you still fancy me?"

She was trying desperately to think of a way out but nothing would come. She felt frozen in place. She couldn't answer. But she didn't have to because he kept talking, and his next words changed her life forever. "Because I would make a go of it with you in a heartbeat."

She wasn't sure what to think of those words. They hit her so hard her breath left her.

His mouth was a breath away now. He was looking at her in earnest, "Ginny, why did you let me?" His face turned oddly vulnerable, "Did you want me?"

The colour flamed in her cheeks. Did he think he'd forced her somehow? Was he daft?

"Of course I did," she heard her voice say. Her heart was on the floor. There was nothing she could do. She read the emotions on his face and tried to figure him out. And as he leaned in and pressed his mouth to hers she concluded that she was the first person to see him as he really was. The first girl to want him truly. And he needed that. But that was all. She could only be a stepping stone in his life. And though she should protect herself and pull away she didn't want to. She wanted to take whatever he was offering. She felt weak and pitiful at that moment. But Harry was different. He made her dizzy with happiness–even when she felt her heartbreaking.

His fingers tangled in her hair and he was murmuring something against her mouth. She wrapped herself around him and gave in. She wasn't sure if it was new or prompted by what had happened the night before, but the heat flamed up swiftly between them. Her hands were in his hair and they were kissing madly as he pushed her against the counter. Her legs wrapped around his hips and he pressed into her. He pulled back as she tugged off his glasses again and tossed them on the counter. He was breathing heavy and looked dazed but very pleased, "You can _kiss_." He breathed and when she laughed he smiled wryly, "Said that last night didn't I?"

She nodded.

"Well, it's the truth!" he laughed and then he gave her a look she had never seen before. There was smile in it somewhere but it was hidden. Instead there was something almost dark in his gaze. He leaned back in and she felt the same excited pricklings in her nerves that she had just hours ago...How much did he remember?

He stumbled around the apartment holding her, trying to get to her bedroom and knocking into things as he went. She was wrapped around him still and he held her up, backing into walls to kiss her more.

"Sorry..." he muttered as he knocked over a tiny wooden table–with a lamp on it. She merely kissed him again, making his eyes shut and his body still.

They finally reached the bedroom and went at each other's clothes in a great hurry. It had never been like this with anyone else. Never. And it was more exciting now that he was sober and knew what he was doing...

He laid her back on the bed and took an appreciative look, "It's a blur how good you looked naked," he smiled, "Much nicer in focus..."

He leaned down and kissed her and let his hands wander between her legs. When she let out a low groan he pulled back as though burnt, his face worried as it met hers, "Are you sore? I didn't hurt you last night did I?"

She felt her face turn very tender, "Wasn't a groan of pain Harry...c'mere," she pulled him back down and smiled as she kissed him, "You would never hurt me..."

His face changed then, a very small smile creeping at the corners of his mouth. He came to some kind of conclusion in his mind then...though she was never sure what. And she didn't want to ask. Didn't want to find out anything or think about anything....it was too dangerous. It was the only protection she had...

He was kissing her neck, his hands in her hair, "You changed your hair Gin...and still those same earrings..." she smiled. He only remembered bits and pieces it seemed. Suddenly he pulled back with shock and looked at her in surprise, "Twice! We did it twice!" When she laughed he looked sheepish, "Sorry, just remembered the second time..." his eyes turned very appreciative and he kept on kissing her.

She pulled him down between her legs and wrapped her own about his hips and he pulled back to smile, his nose touching hers, and said, "I'm going to remember every last bit of this..."

Then he slid slowly in and they both forgot about remembering anything.

And this time, awake and aware, it was still her name he murmured. There was still that sense of release. All the uneven things between them. All the things unsaid. They melted away. They were completely together and it was all that mattered.

Afterwards, as they caught their breaths, Harry held her with a very silly grin on his face, "You, are brilliant."

She smiled despite herself.

"So," he said, that same sheepish look on his face as before, "Wanna maybe go out tonight?"

She laughed as he added, "I don't want to rush you..."

"We should have a shower first."

His expression shot from sheepish to interested with humorous speed, "_We_?"

She chuckled and pulled him into the bathroom. Whatever was going to happen between them, she intended to enjoy it....and Harry in her shower was too good to pass up. Tangled up under the soothing spray they both let out very contented sighs. Harry turned serious unexpectedly, "Ginny, I mean it, I don't want to rush you....we can take things much slower...."

But she knew, for many reasons, it was much too late for that, "Mmm..." she murmured, pressing herself against him and enjoying the sensation, "I like the pace we're going actually."

He smiled and wrapped his arms about her more tightly, his chin in her hair. She wondered what he was thinking but did not ask. Her heart was bursting with joy and wrenching with agony all at once. It was like a beautiful terrible dream. She looked up into his eyes and touched his face.

_I made this. _She thought, _I've done this with my own hands. It was my choice. _

Harry caught her hand and kissed it, "How's lunch out sound?"

"Ok." she heard her voice turn soft and vulnerable and cringed. Harry didn't seem to notice though. In fact, he leaned back and seemed to take an uncanny pleasure in watching her wash. She scrubbed her hair, coated it with conditioner, pinned it up, shaved her legs, washed her face and went about it all in her usual, no-nonsense way. Harry grinned at her without stopping though which made her laugh and wash his hair for him.

And afterwards (once he had managed to shave himself with her "girly" razor) she left him in only a towel while she washed his clothes for him. He sat very comfortably on her couch, with one of her books, while she finished getting ready.

And when all was done they headed out, looking for all the world like a happy, handsome couple...

Ginny did not find Harry chatted nearly as much over lunch as he had sloshed the night before. But he talked, more than she remembered him talking a few years ago. He didn't say much about Auror training or his work and seemed instead, keenly interested in every last detail of her schooling and what she did at the Infirmary.

"Can't believe you cured my hangover with wandless magic," he said smiling over his food.

"There's a lot of magic in just a touch. A lot of healing properties in it too–even without the magic. Combined, and focused properly, they work together and–" she stopped, eyeing him in disbelief, "I must be boring you."

But he shook his head, "Not at all. Nice change from same old same old at Headquarters!"

She smiled and said dryly, "Can't imagine your job being boring..."

He gave her a saucy wink, "Oh, but it is. You have no idea Gin, how I suffer," he took her hand for effect and she chuckled at his antics. "You're a nice change of pace," he said, giving her that terribly effective smile that always charmed the pants off her (and anyone else, even angry Hermione). He kissed her hand and returned it to her so they could split desert.

They walked around the city after that, taking in some sights and just everyday talking. Music, books, travel, life philosophies....and Ginny didn't think she'd ever spent a nicer day with anybody. She never tired of talking with Harry. She remembered how much she had treasured their first conversations when they had finally become friends at school. And looking at him now he seemed to be enjoying this as much as she had then.

They stayed into the night, took in a funny muggle film and sat on a bench in a local park staring at the stars as dusk turned to night.

"Reminds me of the Astronomy tower," she said thoughtfully, watching all the stars and remembering nights she had crept up to have a look. Another memory followed though–one of looking out that same window as Death Eaters had flooded the grounds, flanked by hundreds of Dementors...she shivered.

Harry watched her reaction and nodded, "Memories are a double edged sword," he said quietly.

She took his hand. It was warm and strong, his grip firm. He was there, alive and healthy, that moment. She almost couldn't believe it sometimes. She squeezed his fingers, "I'm so absolutely glad it's over," she said firmly and he regarded her thoughtfully. He looked at their joined hands and a funny smile crossed his face. Ginny didn't realize, but it was probably the first time it occurred to him that life after his grand purpose was achieved was better than before.

"Me too," he said quietly. Then he leaned in and spent a rather long time kissing her. When they finally pulled away from each other Ginny found her hands tangled in his hair–though she couldn't recall putting them there. His glasses were askew and she laughed as she straightened them. For a moment she pretended it was real. That the look he was giving her meant what she wanted it to. He smiled and she could read real happiness in his eyes. Who wouldn't feel happiness after so much misery? Harry's life had been so barren of moments like this. It was new and exciting and healthy for him. But that gave her no ownership in that happiness. It did not name her the cause. She didn't feel her face turn serious as she looked away. Harry quickly caught her chin, "Hey....tomorrow is still the weekend. Wanna play Quidditch?"

She coached her face to light hearted and smiled, "I believe my calendar is free...."

He pulled her up, "It's a date then," he tucked an arm about her, "A date," he said aloud and sounded like he didn't really believe it, "Fancy that...."

They apparated to her door to say goodnight, "I'm not coming in," he laughed, "I will take this slow and do it right if it kills me...."

Ginny found she was up to the challenge. She made a very innocent face, "Do I get a kiss then?"

He smiled and leaned down to give her a very chaste kiss but she was ready. And she pounced. Her hands caught his shirt and pulled him flush against her and he groaned into her mouth. She felt him tense and then slowly give way until his arms were around her and one hand was fumbling for her doorknob. He finally wrenched open the door and they stumbled inside, "I'm staying..." he muttered and it was the last thing either of them said for many hours.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: **The Last Surrender**

_Chapter 3_

Author: **CleverWitch**

E-mail: _incongruous__

Rating: **R (for language and sexual situations)**

Disclaimer: _Harry Potter and co belong to J.K. and all_

_that jazz._

The next morning Ginny slept late and woke to an empty bed. It took her a moment to realize why this startled her, and another to become horrified that she was already adjusting to having Harry in her bed. The delicious smell of bacon distracted her however, and she followed it curiously to her kitchen. Harry had a full breakfast on the go and stood, showered and dressed with a huge grin on his face.

"Sleep well then?" he laughed, "And might I say, that is the most magnificent bedhead I have ever seen!"

Ginny reached a sleepy hand to her tangled hair and realized it was in truly dazzling disarray.

"S'your fault," she slurred, still not quite awake, "You messed it up last night."

Harry looked very smug, "Suppose I did," They shared a very mutual smile before Harry turned to the task at hand, "Have a seat. Breakfast is served. I've already been to my flat and got my gear, and some for you in case you don't have any."

She sat down a little dazed. Her table was set and decorated with flowers, fruit and fresh juice. She didn't think anyone had ever done this for her before. She looked back to Harry rushing around, burning his fingers and fussing over the eggs and found it extremely cute. He was eager to please and that more than anything else, gave away how new he was at the relationship game. Ginny felt a rush of happiness that he should have this first experience with her where she could be kind to him, nurturing his confidence. Then next time, when he found the real thing....her thoughts trailed off suddenly. Sadness clenched inside her and she willed it away. Hadn't she always wanted to be close to Harry? Wasn't she now getting that chance? Wouldn't she be filling a place no one could ever take? Even if it wouldn't last....she had to be happy with that.

He set down breakfast looking extremely pleased with himself and poured them some juice, offering his glass in a toast. She clinked glasses with him and smiled, "Very nice Sir Potter."

"I aim to please good lady. Now eat up!"

Ginny found herself rather quiet through breakfast and it was Harry who finally broke the silence, "So, do you still have any gear? Have you played any Quidditch since Hogwarts?"

Ginny nodded through a mouthful of eggs, "Mmhmm. I have some gear, though I bet yours is better. I just picked up some second-hand stuff to play at a charity game for the hospital I used to work at a year or so ago."

He smiled, "Did your team win?"

She gave him a mock look of indignation, "Of course we did!" Her eyes narrowed playfully, "I may be older but I can still wipe the pitch with you Potter!"

He smiled back expectantly, "We'll see about that."

He waited patiently for her to shower and dress and when she came out he was draped comfortably across her sofa, engrossed in her favorite book. This cozy image of him, looking so at ease among her things, was one that would not dissipate ever after. He looked as though he belonged there, and she hated herself for romanticizing it like that.

This was going to be harder than she thought. And she found herself wholly unprepared for facing his friends so soon, his arm slung about her shoulders as though they'd been together for ages.

"Everyone this is Ginny. Ginny everyone. She's the best Chaser I've ever seen and I plan to clean up the pitch with her."

His friends welcomed her genially and seemed a nice lot. And though she was rusty, she still had the stamina and gusto to play heartily and to impress Harry quite a bit. She was embarrassed to catch him bragging about her to one of his teammates after the game. But his friend merely smiled and said he agreed with Harry, she was 'awesome'.

"And I'm not just saying that to get a shag!" he added with a wink and Ginny was flattered to see Harry turn a bit red.

After Harry walked away he turned to Ginny with an appreciative smile, "It's good to meet you. It's always good to meet a real friend of Harry's. He needs more of them."

Ginny smiled, "I'm happy to meet you for the same reason."

"You've known him a long time I hear?"

"Since Hogwarts. My brother is one of his best friends."

"Oooo," he said, "And does your brother know about this yet?"

Ginny looked horrified and he laughed, "That answers that. Good luck when he finds out!"

They all piled into a cheery pub after that and Ginny was privy to those few hours every two weeks or so that Harry spent relaxed, doing what he really enjoyed and free of the constraints of his identity. His Quidditch pals were rowdy and good hearted and their quick humour reminded her greatly of Fred and George.

When they finally parted Harry was sent off wit hopes of seeing, "This wicked redhead again next time!" and she watched a peculiar pride fill Harry's chest as he told them they should only be so lucky as to taste defeat by her again.

The promise of future happiness. It was new for him still. The protective urge to have that in her keeping always was almost painful. She found herself tracing patterns against his palm as they walked hand in hand back into town. She looked over at him and he had an expression of total contentment on his face.

He turned to her smiling, "Have a good time?"

She smiled in return but not before he caught the serious look on her face and momentary puzzlement crossed his eyes, "It was really fun and your friends are great."

"They remind me of your brothers, Fred and George I mean."

She nodded, "Me too."

He kept walking quietly and then said very seriously, "Ginny, you will tell me if I'm getting this wrong won't you? I don't want to mess it up."

She regarded him in surprise, "How could you mess this up?"

Now he looked surprised and laughed, "Surely you've known me long enough to imagine a few disasters!"

She slipped her arm about him, "I've known you long enough to understand better. You can't mess it up with me."

She felt him relax at hearing that and looked up to meet his smiling face. Had he ever looked this happy?

"What do you fancy doing tonight then?" he asked warmly, "Movies? Dinner? Walk by the lake?"

She shook her head, "I'd like to see your place actually, if you'll let me."

His smile faded, "My place?"

She watched embarrassment crowd his features, "It's…that is to say, it's not very…nice."

"You mean it's a filthy mess and you're ashamed for a girl to see it?"

He gave an uncomfortable laugh, "That's part of it…"

"Where is it exactly?"

He named the address and she smiled encouragingly, "That's very close to work for me! How about we stay there tonight and I'll bring my things to head straight to work tomorrow morning?"

He looked ready to say no and she watched him do battle with himself. He wanted to give her anything she wanted but feared her seeing his place.

"Can I have an hour to tidy up before you come?" he finally asked quietly.

She wrapped herself around him, "That's one less hour you'll have to enjoy…"

He slowly smiled again and her hands found there way into his hair, "You're better than any magic," he murmured.

She apparated to his address an hour later with her overnight bag, ready to banish whatever dark things he kept hidden there and create newer, nicer memories for him. He opened the door and looked like he'd been working hard.

"I'm not quite ready for you," he said sheepishly and she pushed her way in while he tried reluctantly to stop her.

He had definitely made an effort for her but the place was still dismal. It was dark and gloomy and around the floor were still clutters of devices from old auror days that sensed dark magic or protected against it. His door had more locks and charms on the back than she thought she'd ever seen and she saw that he had hidden his fear from everyone.

He didn't meet her eyes as she surveyed the place. On the table was a fresh vase of flowers, clearly meant for her and the kitchen housed warm smells of cooking which helped soften its appearance. But without the mantle cluttered with photos from Hogwarts days and the Griffindor crest hanging cheerily over it, the entire place was bare of any touches of personality or care.

In her mind she redecorated it in minutes and smiled at him as she finished, "Mind if I add a few things in here next time? You seem to be sorely lacking….er…cushions."

He gave a low laugh, "Yes, I am."

She walked over to the flowers, "For me?"

He nodded and she inhaled generously and made a show of appreciating them, then kissed him. He held back in this kiss and she realized what his place was to him. It was not a home.

He looked around and back at her then very quietly, "I don't bring anyone here Gin."

"I hope not," she replied in a saucy voice, "It's worse than Snape's office. You could bottle the gloom and sell it."

He gave an awkward laugh.

"You should have told me, or anyone, someone, that you felt this way after the old days," she chastised, "You should have let your friends help banish these old memories."

"I didn't think anyone could," he confessed and pulled her close.

She leaned up and kissed him very tenderly the first of his flat's new memories blossoming bright and happy.

"I wish I'd known you fancied me," he said when she pulled away, "I wish I'd known years ago."

It was probably the only kind of hint he'd ever given anyone to how lonely he really was. He followed her to the kitchen and played with her hair while she stirred the various pots he had going on the stove.

Dinner smelled lovely and she was surprised to find him something of a great cook. He shrugged it off to the forced life of a bachelor but looked a little flattered, especially when she had two helpings of dessert.

While he washed up she explored the rest of the rooms and he found her staring into his bedroom when he finished. It was barren, windowless, the bed neatly made but clothes strewn about in a manner not unlike Ron's teenage years.

"Didn't get to this one," Harry admitted.

She frowned, "Do you often sleep here?"

There was something unused about the room, save for dressing. Harry shook his head.

"I mostly stay at work during the week," he admitted, "I've never slept well…."

He didn't finish and she wondered how far back he could trace nights of bad sleep. Probably most of his life. She leaned against him sadly. But he pulled out his wand and with a wave tidied the room up and with another summoned softly lit candles to hang around it making it much prettier. She smiled and with her own wand fashioned him some colourful cushions. Later, she thought, I'll embroider them with things he loves.

For now she turned in his arms and laid their wands on a nearby table. Then she pulled him into his own room and changed it forever. This was not the lonely chamber he surrendered some exhaustion too punctuated by ghosts of the past. This room was warm and ready for him. This room was Ginny herself now, though she did not realize it. Instead she worked the magic of a friend with her comfort and the magic of a lover with her desire and Harry found himself in his own bed warm and dazed with his clothes on the floor. Wrapped around him was the only girl to call him friend for himself save for Hermione. But Ginny was different. There was a hesitant desire in her eyes that uncovered his will and bent it to be anything that would make her give over. He ran his hands up her body and into her hair and struggled to tell her things that would convince her. She was Ginny and so flattering compliments seemed unworthy of her. She was too honest to be swayed by words that often meant nothing. He said them anyway.

How she was beautiful and why. How soft she was how lovely she smelled though she retorted that she probably smelled of Quidditch pitch.

Finally he pulled back and said breathlessly, "It has never been lucky to be me, until now."

And those words drew back that curtain he felt always was there. She let go and came alive in his arms.. Her eyes pinched with sadness for him but he stroked it away with his fingers at her cheeks, "Don't…I've never been so happy. I want to make you happy too."

Her mouth turned up and she lightened the weight of this confession by sliding herself over him so that his eyes shut against the pleasure and saying, "I'm happy to hear that and I know just the thing…"

He gave a breathless laugh and with his strong hands guided them both through a rhythm of real pleasure.

But it was much later in the night that Ginny faced what Harry had not wanted her to see. He woke up violently from a nightmare and Ginny sat up as he lept from bed and various devices around the place lit up suspiciously. He looked around a little wildly and reached for his wand. Finding it was not tucked into his bedclothes filled his face with such terror that her heart clenched. She concentrated so the candles would relight one at a time and said very gently, "Harry…"

He looked back at the bed, his eyes met hers, "Gin…"

She watched him come back to himself, the tension leave his shoulders as he leaned hard against the end of the bed, taking deep breaths. Then she felt another tension take its place as he realized he had exposed himself to her in a way he never wanted to.

She slipped from the bed and came to his side to hear him say, "I hate sleeping…"

She tucked herself under his arms until he let go of the bed and held her instead. She was still wearing nothing, still warm from sleep.

"You slept well at my place," she teased, hiding her horror at how badly he'd woken up.

He relaxed a very little and said, "Well, you were there…" in a way that said he was blushing.

"I'm here now," she pointed out and pressed herself against him.

He touched his forehead to hers and let out a long breath, "You really are…are you sure you want into all my dark places? I'd rather keep them from you. You deserve better."

"You act like it costs me something to comfort you," she chided and gave a low laugh as she wrapped her legs around him, "In case you haven't noticed, it's not unenjoyable for me either…"

He smiled wide, "When you put it like that it seems a crime to turn away your generous offer…"

Back to bed he carried her and banished the worst of his nights with all the unexpected and heady pleasure he could find with her. It blotted out everything as nothing before it ever had. He longed to tell her he loved her but did not think she would believe him so soon. Could it be so soon? Was it really so soon at all?

He slept near the warmth of her in his bed all night after that and decided on waking that only love could have accomplished such a feat. Ginny was treated to a tender morning and knew she had given him something no one ever had before. She was very proud of herself and headed to work feeling she could bear the heartbreak of losing him by basking in memories like his face on waking to find her in that dark room he so dreaded.

Harry had let her go a little anxiously asking her what her plans were later but self-consciously amending that he knew she had a life besides his sudden invasion.

She had stepped up to him on tiptoe, gave him a kiss that erased all his doubts and said warmly, "My place tonight. Bring pizza."

He'd walked to work smiling rather stupidly to himself after that.

Ginny intended to spend every moment all at once before any complications like letting Ron and Hermione know arose. She wanted a clean break from her when he tired of her. She felt certain he would enjoy the healing effects of their attraction and be buoyed to a healthy place from which he would naturally disengage and move on.

She felt a little sick reviewing this to herself later at work but consoled herself that this was all worth it for Harry.

When he showed up mid-afternoon at the Hospital with her favorite chocolates and a blossoming song-rose she realized she had not gauged the situation as accurately as she thought she had. To her horror her boss discovered this scene in her office, recognized Harry and looked totally delighted.

"You sly thing!" she admonished Ginny, "You didn't tell me Harry Potter was your boyfriend!"

Ginny turned purple. Harry looked delighted and shook her hand with a huge grin.

"Of course, I understand why you keep it quiet," Headnurse Phillipa amended, "But can I just say, Harry, what a delight it is to meet you in person!"

"Lovely to meet you too," Harry returned genially.

"Do I ask too much," Headnurse Phillipa asked before Ginny had recovered enough to speak, "To see if you might visit the children's ward? They'd be so excited to meet you!"

Ginny's eyes widened further. Her boss banking on his fame! The horror! The disaster! The—"I'd be delighted!" Harry chimed happily and Ginny found herself following him numbly down the hall.

The children were of course delighted and Ginny was surprised to find Harry enjoyed it too. He related some of his school adventures with real relish and kept them enraptured for over an hour.

Ginny left for her rounds and returned to find him still there. He happily stayed on until her shift finished and reflected on the whole situation with real satisfaction as they left together. He chattered on about the children most of the walk back until finally noticing Ginny's silence.

He grew uncertain, "Did I overstep my bounds Gin? Did I come to your work too soon? I did, didn't I? I knew I'd bungle this up. I'm sorry I'm so over eager, I don't mean anything bad by it, I swear."

Ginny shook her head, "I'm surprised to see you find a place where your fame isn't a burden, that's all Harry."

He looked relieved, "I really did didn't I? It was….nice. I'd definitely do it again."

They picked up pizza's and headed back to her flat. Harry's satisfaction at the place came home to her more after seeing his. He put the pizza's in the oven to stay warm and then kept her distracted for over two hours before finally eating them.

And the chummy, late-night meal, half dressed and still humming with pleasure found together, was the nicest she'd ever had and her heart ached as she enjoyed it. Harry caught the slightly wistful look on her face as they finished and straightened, "What's this? Clearly I haven't done my job thoroughly enough. Back to bed!"

And he toted her laughing and struggling back to the bedroom as she protested, "I have to work tomorrow! We need to rest!"

But she didn't really mean it. And he knew it.

The week passed in a blur of such happiness and only on Friday night did reality crash back in.

After a long and satisfying shower Ginny headed towards the front door in her bathrobe to answer a very determined rapping at the door. She opened it to find Hermione looking worried on the other side.

"Finally! Why haven't you answered my owls?"

"Owls?"

Hermione sighed, "The life of a nurse I suppose! I haven't been able to find Harry all week! Did you end up finding him last Friday? Ron and I are really worried!"

At this moment Harry walked out of the bathroom in just a towel and called out cheerfully, "Who was it?"

He froze at the sight of Hermione who was gazing at him in open shock, "Harry?"

The sound of someone apparating nearby was the only noise in the sudden silence. Then Ron's voice, "Not at the pitch either….mmm do I smell pie?"

Harry tried in vain to hide but Ron caught him squarely in his towel and frowned, "Harry…what are you doing here? Is your shower broken?"

Then his eyes fell on Ginny her bathrobe, with wet hair. A slow thundercloud built up on his face.

"Wait a minute…what's going on here?"


	4. Chapter 4

Title: **The Last Surrender**

_Chapter 4_

Author: **CleverWitch**

Rating: **R (for language and sexual situations)**

Disclaimer: _Harry Potter and co belong to J.K. and all_

_that jazz._

Author's Note: Yeah, I just saw movie 6 and who _couldn't_ want to write more H/G after seeing it? So I've revived this old fic and am continuing on for my own enjoyment. Hope you enjoy too 

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Hermione was later to have a good laugh at the long moment in which Ron put it together. But not until later and kindly out of his ear shot.

For now she watched the rising colour in his face and knew she had to act quickly.

Ginny watched a searching look exchanged between Hermione and Harry. And something Harry's face must have answered her unspoken question for the in next she asked in her most take charge voice, "So this is where you've both been all week? Together?"

Ginny felt herself nodding in unison with Harry.

"Excellent!" Hermione exclaimed, "Isn't that wonderful news Ron?"

Ron sputtered incoherently then, "It bloody well is _not_!"

"Oh yes it is," Hermione informed him and took his arm as he advanced towards Harry.

Harry took a step back.

"Aren't you happy for your best mate? Your best mate _Harry_ who seems to have found someone to _be_ with?"

Ron's purple faded to red, "But it's _Ginny_!"

"Aren't you happy for your sister?" Hermione snapped.

Ron scowled, "Stop making me sound so rotten! 'Course I want them to be happy, just not with each other!"

Ginny forgot her plan to keep everything from them to help Harry have a clean break and her Weasley temper took the helm, "Oi! It is possible for him to be _your_ mate and _my_ boyfriend you know!"

This was the first Harry heard of Ginny referring to him as her boyfriend and his face betrayed the joyful thrill. This was not lost on Hermione, nor was Ginny's rather frightened look at confessing it. She filed the latter away for later and turned beaming to face a still infuriated Ron. Then she turned angry, "Ron!" she hissed, then under her breath, "If you _ever_ want a repeat of Friday night with me again, you will give them your blessing."

Only Ginny heard that and muffled a laugh.

Ron let out an anguished breath, "Ah hell, that is just so unfair."

His nostrils flared dangerously but clearly Friday had been a very special night because he grudgingly said, "I'm happy for you both."

"Thanks Ron!" Harry chimed happily.

Ron glared at him. Harry took a step back.

Hermione grabbed Ron roughly by the arm, "Come along Ron, we'd best be going."

"Can't we even stay for pie?" Ron complained, but Hermione soon had him out the door thought pinned Ginny with her eyes and said, "Let's have coffee this week and talk."

Then they were gone.

Harry made his way over to her with a cheeky grin, "I guess that makes it official though I wish I'd had more than a towel on. Poor Ron."

They both laughed but inside Ginny burned an uncomfortable flame. Hermione knew. Hermione would have questions. What would she say to her?

Harry walked obliviously over to his bag, "Almost, one more thing."

She watched him pull out a small velvet bag and recognized it as the mark of a local jeweler. She watched in disbelief as he brought it over and reached in. He pulled out a fine gold chain and strung on it was a tiny golden snitch. He fastened it about her throat.

"If you cup your hands around it and peek in it flies," he told her.

She tried and sure enough, in the cage of her hands it fluttered and flew in tiny circles.

When she let it go Harry was smiling in earnest at her, "Will you be my girlfriend Gin?"

A thousand teenage Ginny's clamoured to answer him held at bay only by her determination to protect herself now.

"Are you sure you want a girlfriend Harry?"

"I'm sure I want you," he replied and she blushed.

A determined look came into his eyes and she watched him guard his face, "Do you want me for a boyfriend Ginny? I know it can never be the same as with…a regular bloke."

Ginny made a face, "I should tell you sometime about the 'regular' blokes I dated before."

"I bet I can win. You wouldn't believe the kind of people that date you when you're famous."

They spent the evening lying on the living room floor, legs up on the couch in their pajamas comparing disastrous dating stories and drinking a bottle of wine Harry and brought with him.

"I don't know Gin, Doctor Dan sounds pretty impressive to me. Why'd you dump him again?"

"He never laughed. At anything."

"Unforgivable."

"We should introduce him to your number one fan Helen, perhaps her constant and inappropriate laughter will help balance him out?"

Harry gave a snort of laughter, "If nothing else it would be excellent fun just watching them talk to each other!"

"What's your worst dating story?"

Harry drew in a long breath, "They all are really. Probably the worst is when they make no attempt to hide that it was just so they could tell their friends."

He turned back to her, "Yours?"

She sighed, "You mean besides Edwin the "enchanter" who nearly destroyed my house by inspiring my vines to crush it?"

Harry laughed, "That was a good one, I grant you."

"Probably Adrian. He was actually really nice. Hermione introduced us. I could tell he really liked me and that I didn't like him as much as I ought to in return."

Ginny later recollected sharing this with some horror and vowed never again to drink wine with Harry.

"Was there some reason you didn't like him enough?" Harry asked.

She turned to him and said quietly, "The same reason for all of them…"

She ran a gentle hand around the contours of his face and he caught it, "Not me? _I_ was the reason?"

"No one is like you Harry. You're special, not for the famous reasons, for different ones. I might be the first person who isn't stupid enough to miss that about you, but I won't be the last."

Harry grew serious, "I like the way you see me."

He pulled down his legs and pulled her over so she lay on top of him. The tiny snitch hung down between them.

"You're special too," he confessed, "I wish I had the proper words to say it to you. I…I see my happiness in your face but I could never have imagined it. I can easily imagine what can go wrong you know? And I can only see the things I've missed as they happen to other people, like Ron and Hermione and your parents. But with you there is something like that but just for me. This time it's just for me."

She looked back at him for a long moment, "What else do you see?" she asked very quietly.

He wished he were poetic even just a little for a moment like this but he wasn't. So he touched her face and said very honestly, "I see you, and nothing else matters."

He hoped she understood what that meant and it seemed that she did for she settled in comfortably against his body and smiled, "Harry, I'll be your girlfriend."

He drew her into such a tender kiss she knew she was in over her head. What had she done that first night? A door had been thrown wide and she'd let him walk through it, so sure he would walk back out.

She felt a building frustration take over. How long would she enjoy his fixation on her before he looked elsewhere? Before he realized his worth and didn't need her anymore? Before he looked at her and saw just Ginny and it wasn't enough?

She lashed out her frustrations on him in their lovemaking and he spent the next few hours trying to keep up with her as she surprised him with a rough almost desperate conquest of him. He watched in wonder as she balanced herself over him and took the lead a look of determination and fierce wanting in her eyes. But by the end she lay beneath him looking so fragile and so vulnerable he slowed and felt fear slice through him that he had somehow hurt her.

She was a mystery in so many ways and he wondered what key would unlock her thoughts.

She pulled his mouth to hers and made him forget his questions. Her legs wrapped around his hips and layered over so many memories of it now that he felt the urge to tell her he loved her like a fiery pain all through his body.

"Ginny," he muttered into her hair, "You're everything to me now…"

He saw her eyes shine with sudden tears but she blinked them away and that last shadow of hesitation fell away again. He had pulled her to him in the way he wanted most. The rhythm of their bodies, the pleasure making his thoughts vanish into silence, they stood aside for this. Her hands cradled his face and in that touch was more pleasure than all their lovemaking because she meant it. He was held by her and had never been held by anyone.

In her face were the words he wanted most to hear but she did not say them. Instead her vulnerability melted away and she arched into their lovemaking with renewed fever, calling him back to himself. Her face buried into his throat and her gradually catching breaths urged him on until he felt his knees buckle from the pleasure. Her hands tightened on his back begging him not to stop and he willed his body to stay together a little longer until he felt her shudder against him. Then he let go and pleasure burst hot and beautiful from his chest, down his legs, between the joining of their bodies and he felt himself swear there could be no other. He wondered if she swore it too.

He pulled away to look at her but she stayed wrapped tightly against him even as he eased over to his side. He felt her warm breath at his neck and heard her murmur, "Don't let go. Not yet."

He held her tight and felt a fierce protective urge rise up in his chest. Who looked after Ginny? Had anyone ever been this close to her? Gratitude overwhelmed him that perhaps they hadn't. That he was her choice now. That maybe, like she had hinted, he had always been her choice.

He kissed her hair gently until she turned up to meet his mouth then he kissed her all over her face.

"Harry," she said quietly, "I'm afraid."

"Of feeling this way?" he asked quietly, "We feel like this together. You don't need to be afraid."

He felt her trembling a little and lay her over, arms still warm and protective, "Ginny…I want to tell you something…"

But her hand came up to his mouth, her face desperate, "Don't! Please don't!"

He looked as though she had struck him, "I won't say it if you don't want to hear it," he replied, his voice raw.

Ginny knew her eyes were filled with tears. Knew she had hurt him but not nearly as much as she had hurt herself by this, "You can't mean it, not this soon."

"You don't believe me," he realized, "But Ginny, it's you…it's so different. How can I prove it to you?"

Their eyes held for a long moment and then he leaned down very close to her ear and said gently, "I love you."

Ginny wanted to run from the room and shut out the sound of those words forever. Vanished were all the teenage selves crowded for his favour. All that was left was her, really her, left to quail at what force those words had to alter her life. He felt her quietly crying beneath him and caressed her face as he pulled back, "If I say it enough, will you believe me?"

She crushed her mouth to his in reply and Harry told himself the love he so desperately wanted from her was pressed into the gesture, still too fragile to be heard aloud. He kissed and touched her with soothing hands until she relaxed into sleep and watched the heat of their bodies stir the tiny snitch for many hours before he too finally drifted off.

Later in the week Ginny sat across from Hermione and the latter noticed the hallmarks of despair across her friends face.

"Ginny, how did this happen? You must tell me everything."

"Harry wouldn't spill eh?" Ginny joked weakly.

Hermione laughed, "He was about as useful for information as Ron is. They're off having a beer and no doubt avoiding the topic as much as possible." (She wasn't far off.)

Ginny sighed, "I did collect him that friday and he was in a very poor state. I had no intentions of anything happening but it did all the same. I think…I think it's very good for him."

She met Hermione's eyes earnestly and Hermione read the buried love in them with real sympathy.

"Hermione, he needs to learn his worth in a different way. The real him is so starved for real recognition and care."

"And love?" Hermione added.

Ginny looked away.

"Gin, I see what you're doing but the cost is too high for you. You've loved him too long."

"I would do anything for him," Ginny said miserably.

"Are you so sure he doesn't love you? He seems over the moon. He actually asked my advice on jewelry!"

"First love perhaps," Ginny replied, "I'm glad to give him a positive experience so that he's healthy and confident next time."

"And if first love is the only love Harry is willing to part with? What will you do if he doesn't walk away? Will you accept him?"

Ginny looked struck but Hermione wanted to know.

"It can…it can never be equal Hermione."

"Because you've loved him too long?"

Ginny nodded quietly. Hermione murmured in her most teacher-ish voice, "Well, I hope Harry's up to the task."

Ginny shot her a sarcastic look.

"He's very happy," Hermione smiled, "He told me about his visit to the hospital. It was good for him. I'd like to see him leave Auror headquarters and do something that's easier on him."

Ginny nodded in agreement and sipped her coffee.

"He talks of nothing but you," Hermione continued, "But…"

"But?"

Hermione leaned over, "He seems to think you might leave him."

Ginny spit out her coffee, "Did he say that?"

Hermioned looked away uncomfortably, "No he did not. Not directly. But I sensed from what he wasn't saying that it's his secret fear."

Ginny leveled her with a look not unlike Ron's, "Oh _honestly_! You're the _worst_ you know!"

"Oh am I?" Hermione countered, "Let me guess your reply. Something stupid like 'I don't want to leave him, and that's why I must.' I'm right aren't I?"

Ginny tried to mask her surprise, "No, you're not."

Hermione shook her head, "Oh Ginny. You're as bad at being happy as he is!"

Ginny crossed her arms, "I am not!"

Hermione checked her watch, "Time to collect them. Let's get you back to the happiness you're determined to ruin."

Ginny looked crestfallen, "You can't know how hard this has been," she said quietly.

Hermione put a hand on her shoulder, "I truly can but you are bringing most of it on yourself. You underestimate Harry. Don't mistake his loyalty for fancy and his fancy for gratitude. He hates pity."

Ginny tried to make herself believe it but her heart wasn't up to the task. It was too terrifying to face the consequences of letting herself really love him.

And so when they met Ron and Harry even Ron noticed the anxious, crestfallen look that overtook Harry's smile as he put his arm around Ginny but she did not look happy about it.

Hermione watched them leave and flashed Ron a long-suffering glare, "She's as stubborn as you and worse, as thick as Harry!"

Ron looked taken aback. He'd never heard Hermione speak ill of Ginny, "What do you mean?"

"I mean, I've never met two people more abominable at appreciating their own happiness in my life!"

"Besides us?" he teased, "We took a while to come round."

She relaxed just a little and smiled at him, "Besides us."

Harry meanwhile was working up the courage to confront Ginny. He waited til they got back to the flat and she wearily put on tea. Then he came to her in the kitchen, turned her about in his arms and kissed her long and lingering. She returned it with feeling and her hands crept into his hair. When he pulled away he touched his face to hers and said softly, "I want you to tell me you love me."

She shook her head and he felt her trembling just a little as she said, "Please don't…"

"I don't understand," he confronted, pulling away so that they stood opposite each other, "I feel like you do. Why won't you say it?" Fear crept into his voice, "Have you…are you changing your mind about us?"

"I haven't changed my mind," she said numbly, "Why haven't you?"

He searched her face for a long moment. She watched him working something out in his thoughts, "You weren't going to tell me if I didn't remember. That first night together. Why?"

She stared back in horror.

"You…you regretted it?" he asked painfully.

"I wish I regretted it!" she blurted out, "I wanted to regret it! I wanted to believe I did it because you needed it! Because you deserved to know what it felt like to be loved, really loved!"

His mouth hung open at this admission.

"What do you want from me Harry? Love? Really? You already know you have it! How dare you ask me to give it when you know….when you must see that you can never love me the same in return!"

"Wha-t?" he gaped.

"You can never…" she struggled with the words, "Do you know how long I've loved you? It's just a freak chance that we ended up together! It's not because you realized. It's not because you noticed me. It's not about me at all. I'm just the first person to show you the real kindness you deserve!"

He stared back her, "So, you took pity on me and thought you'd lend me the proper experience? Is that the best you hoped for from me? Is that all you thought me capable of?"

"It's all I thought _us_ capable of!" she retorted, feeling raw and exposed. He could never know how terrible it had been loving him. How unrequited and painful.

He regarded her intensely, "I thought you regretted it because I wasn't good enough at it. Or because the fame must drag you in at some point as well. Not because you think I can never love you as much as you do me – because you started sooner."

He stepped towards her and she flinched, "Gin, you…you are the one. I wish I had noticed! I wish I had found you early. You must forgive me for my past robbing me of that chance with its distractions. You have to know how precious it is now after missing it for so long."

Those words cut her to the quick but still she stayed where she was.

"You don't believe me," he breathed in despair, "You're going to leave me anyway. I can feel it…"

"Now that you know you can have it, you'll find someone better for you. You only think I'm the one because this is a first…" she said desperately.

"You think that's true?" he cried angrily, "You think that if I had lived with Sirius, if he were still alive, that I'd have found a _better_ godfather? You think my experiences starved me so much of love that they blinded me to seeing it truly? You're wrong! I know what I have…I swear…"

Tears ran down her cheeks and still she did not move. It hurt too much to believe him. He could read it in her face. She'd held it back for too long. She didn't know how to let it go.

"Ginny, please believe me."

She stared hollowly at him for a long moment, "What if you change your mind about me?"

He gave a disbelieving bark of laughter.

She kept on, "I can—I can never change my mind about you. Even when I've wanted to."

He looked incredibly sad at hearing that, "You've come to regret me. I suppose that doesn't really surprise me. It's hard to be near me."

"It's not hard," she replied but he smiled bitterly, "Even your happiness with me brings you pain, after waiting for it for so long."

They stared for a long moment at each other. Then Harry's shoulders sank and he turned away looking more miserable than she'd ever seen him.

"I'll go," he said quietly.

She watched him pick up his bag and slip quietly out the door. Then she sank to the floor, her strength gone, her face buried in her hands. How could she take the chance to ride that happiness to the heights it promised knowing her chances of crashing were so great?

But another, more terrible question waited underneath that one. How could she let him go after he'd already been so close? Closer than she had planned for. Closer than she had ever thought possible.

She crept to the front door and opened it.

Harry was still there, sitting on the stone step as though he had nowhere else in the world to go. He turned back to look at her and she saw despair behind his eyes – the same she had seen that first night.

"I thought you were going to go?" she said hoarsely.

"I changed my mind," he answered. He stood up slowly and approached her. When she let him he took her in his arms and wiped the tears from her cheeks with determined fingers. Then he kissed her roughly, pulling her against him as though he possessed her, or wanted more than anything to. She made a sound as he did it and he pulled back just enough to say, "I'm staying…" before pressing her back inside.


End file.
